If he sits in front of me, then I can hardly believe what he tells . He is tall, seems to be strong and his charisma covers every single inch of the room. That's why all the words he makes out of me seem like a nightmare he had last night. But after reality , no - that does not sound like that. But right here is the problem that has already sucked in our society. Because when it comes to domestic violence, we only think of women who are oppressed. Sure, that's usually the case. But the exception, there is also and less important is not.So we finally have to talk about the fact that there are men who are dominated, humiliated and beaten by their girlfriends.
Just like Tom *. He has not been able to end this toxic relationship for a very long time . Today he does not remember why. He thinks it was maybe out of shame or fear of change, the belief that she's still changing or the fact that he still loved her somewhere. And that's the problem, love . Tom is convinced that just because someone wronged you does not mean that every emotion disappears in exactly the same second . Rather, one begins to believe in being able to change the other person. After all, you know them in and out - actually.
At first, when Tom and his girlfriend came together, nothing could have been better. They were in love, spending each other every second, trusting each other blindly. Tom says today that he did not see any signs of aggressive behavior at the beginning, on the contrary. She was petite, always controlled and the rest itself. Until her facade began to crumble slowly.
After a few months in which they were already together, she changed enormously . She was moody, left everything to Tom, which bothered her, blocked completely and always shouted at him when she felt like it. "I had the feeling that I can not do anything right anymore. Everything I did was wrong . Again and again she found points in me that bothered her. I slowly but surely began to doubt myself, the relationship and a normal relationship that is not based on screaming. "
Tom already had the feeling that she was not treating him properly . That's why he addressed her. He asked her what happened, that she became such a person. And that he does not want to be with someone who behaves this way. He wanted to know who she has become by now. Thereupon she answered. Not with words, but with an iron that she threw at him.
The iron struck his head, bleeding from above his forehead, pausing briefly. "Did that really happen?" He asked himself, but as soon as he answered the question himself, he did not know what to do. His own friend, the most important person in his life, made him bleed on purpose. In addition, she showed little or no regret for her actions . She did not apologize, after all, he was himself guilty. Because the questions he asked her justified what she did. " Everyone would have done exactly what I did. "She told him while he was holding his wound.
It was the start of a long time in which she humiliated, controlled, and injured Tom , both physically and mentally . She blackmailed him, accusing him of being a bad friend. She told him he was never good enough for anyone and that nobody actually loved him.
She hit him whenever she felt like it. She beat him, punched him in the stomach, hit his face. Although she was not strong enough to actually hurt Tom, he suffered a lot. " I did not know what to do. I loved this person and she somehow loved me too. But she had no respect for me. And that expressed itself in the worst way there was. "Tom was glad that she was not very strong and could only hurt him mentally, not his body. So while trying to make her the person she was, she discovered new ways she could abuse him.
She knew she was weaker than he. "It always happened when we argued. And since that happened almost every day, I realized how, when she was in a rage, she thought about what else she could do. I could feel her brain working. And I'll never forget her starting to reach for things that could really hurt me. I was afraid of my own girlfriend. "
Tom does not want me to write about how his then girlfriend was abusing him. Also, he does not want me to mention every item she used. A few things I can mention: an iron, chairs, various glasses, pots. One of the items that were not counted put Tom in such a bad state of health that he ended up in the hospital. Not for long, but still. He was sewn, the scar on his face is still visible.
After being in the hospital, he was almost forced to dedicate his environment. For the lies he would have had to think, he had no strength. With the help of the people who were important to him, he managed to get away from the toxic relationship. He then went into therapy to process what he had experienced. Today he manages to speak in a reflected way. And that, even though it was only two years ago.
Tom says that most of the people he talks to first ask why he did not resist. Or why he did not just quit. "Anyone who has not been in my situation does not understand them. You can try it, but you can not imagine it. After all, it is the most important person in life that lets you go through hell. Try to think of the person that matters most to you. And then imagine, she humiliates you, beats and abuses you. Then you will see that this is something that is as unimaginable as it is horrible. And, as absurd as that sounds, I really thought I could change it. But I did not resist, because on the one hand I did not want to.I did not see violence as a solution, especially in this situation. On the other hand, because I was much stronger than she was. "